Flash fiction: Riding Still

by | Oct 17, 2012 | Fiction, Flash fiction, Relationships | 8 comments

Here’s my latest story. The first draft was short, and it shrank quite a bit in editing. I’m really drawn to the constraints of the micro story. The form reminds me of looking into a doll house.

Riding Still
By Laura McHale Holland

He’d pick her up in his Camaro, and they’d ride nowhere special. His pills fought off fingers of dread clutching their necks. So they thought. Bennies. Quaaludes. Meth. LSD. Mescaline. Washed down with malt liquor. Just the two of them. Creeping down silent streets until dawn. Again, again, again.

Then he gave her white lines on glass, and she fell into a poisoned velvet well. The next time he steered the Camaro into her drive, she wasn’t there.

He found new drives, new girls. She became a chocoholic. He’s riding still.

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8 Comments

  1. Barbara Toboni

    Good tiny story, Laura. Sounds like she smartened up and moved on, and he never did.

  2. admin

    Thanks, Barbara, for the appreciation. That’s exactly how I see it, too.

  3. Jerry Kohut

    nice car

  4. Robin Leigh Morgan

    I got timed-out the last time as I wrote my response — so here it is again – however it’s not as good as the original one.

    Tripping is fine, so she thought. Each time she took a trip it was a different trip to a wondrous world full of marvelous sights and sounds, a world away from the everyday mundane world she usually lived in. Everything is fine until her ticket master offers her something new, a pure white, angelic powder offered as a straight line on crystal clear glass. She eagerly snorts her new trip ticket with zeal, however still time, what started out as the best trip she has ever taken, quickly turns into a nightmare-a nightmare from which she found she couldn’t escape. And even when the trip finally ended, remnants of her nightmarish trip still remained with her. She eventually wound up in a safe haven, and in time, she returned to her old self—an old self which existed before her first trip. Returning to the real, she found a new place to live in, far away from her ticket master, and a new lust to partake in–a simple sinful food known as chocolate. Chocolate with its several types and textures, chocolates with more sinful goods inside, a food which must only be consumed in small quantities, unless you don’t mind becoming a whale. And once she had her first taste, she turned into a chocoholic. And what about her ticket master; once he found she had gone out of his life, he knew he had several more waiting to take her place.

    BTW – has anyone seen the large carton of Lindt’s 70% cocoa, bitter-sweet dark chocolates? I had it right next to me on the floor when I started to type this response. :-D :-D :-D

    It’s remarkable how much got said in the few sentenes you wrote Laura. With all the daily news about this subject, no two people will come away with the exact same impression.
    This flash was worth the wait since your last one.

  5. admin

    Thanks, Robin. You’ve really gotten into the female character’s head, and what you see going on with her fits the story. I like your use of “ticket master”; it reminds me of “trip master,” something I haven’t heard in decades.

    The Lindt bittersweet 70% cocoa sounds enticing. I’ve got two bars near by desk that I haven’t tried yet. Green & Black’s organic dark chocolate (85% cocoa) and Endangeed Species dark chocolate with blueberries (72% cocoa). Maybe I’ll have a couple squares for breakfast. Hmmm. Probably wouldn’t be the best way to start the day. I think the best time to indulge in dark chocolate is about 3 p.m.

  6. admin

    ‘Tis!

  7. Robin Leigh Morgan

    Glad you like my take on this microflash fiction, you gave just the bare minimum for us to be able to picture the whole story in our heads. As far as 85% cocoa is concern, anything over 70% tends to be a little too gritty tasting to suit me.

    Your post couldn’t have come at a better time, as I’m about to undertake my final review of my manuscript [after my editor had returned the final page to me]. This one for all the little thngs which can get by such has continuity. Your post is allowing me to have my creative juices flowing at their peak, giving me a clearer picture of whether anything needs a little tweaking to read better.

    Just waiting now for your next one,

  8. admin

    Thanks, Robin! I hope your final manuscript review goes really well. I find that when I go through a manuscript after not working on it for a while (which I assume was the case when your manuscript was with your editor) I see things that had completely escaped me before. I’m glad my writing gets you in a good frame of mind for getting your work done the way you want to.

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