Slip away

by | Sep 12, 2012 | Fiction, Flash fiction, Relationships | 20 comments

Slip Away
By Laura McHale Holland

She saw the boat so still on the water, their eyes fixed on each other, their laughter rippling into the woods where she stood. She raised her rifle but couldn’t take aim. She didn’t know whether to shoot her boyfriend or the woman who’d stolen his heart. Disgusted at her indecision, she lowered the weapon and walked away. She had just enough time to pack up her belongings and slip away before he came home.

Share this:

The Kiminee Dream: Now Available!

My new novel is coming soon. Mark your calendar!

Influenced by folklore and magical realism, The Kiminee Dream is a lyrical story with characters equally charmed and challenged while living where the ordinary and miraculous coexist seamlessly. If you like depth as well as whimsy, arresting twists, and details that rouse your senses, you’ll love what is both an eloquent exploration of acceptance and a tender tribute to the people of Illinois.

20 Comments

  1. Robin Leigh Morgan

    [corrected copy]

    After she had raised her rifle. she couldn’t take aim. Of course not, when she did she realized that if she would kill either one or both her own life would come to an end, spending the rest of it in prison. So he has her. Good. Sooner he’ll come to his senses and realize that the grass is not really greener where he has decided to go. When he finally decides to go back home to her, he’ll have to search for her because she has already left him.
    Let him search for her and with any luck if he does find her; she’ll be with and hopefully married to someone else who’ll always be true to her. It is then and only then he’ll realize that a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush.

  2. admin

    I’m intrigued by the way your imagination fleshed out the lives of the characters, Robin. Thanks for sharing your thoughts. It is something how we all bring our own life experiences to a story, so even though the words we read (or hear if we’re listening instead of reading) are the same, what we take away from them can be vastly different. Creativity is so stimulating!

  3. Barbara Toboni

    Great mini scene. Makes me wonder what happened. Don’t leave us haning too long.

  4. admin

    Thanks for your take on this, Barbara. I’m not inclined to continue the story, so if it cries out for more, I’ll probably have to work on it further to make it complete in itself. :o)

  5. Robin Leigh Morgan

    Laua,
    THANKS for your feedback on my comment. I love your stand alone flash fiction, it gets my creative juices following. I was nearing the point in writing my first YA Paranormal/Time Travel/First Kiss romance novel and being able to type that final elusive period, when I realized I need to chuck the last chapter and a half I’ve written. Since reading week’s edition, my creative juices has allowed me to get back on track, writing almost 1,500 words in a day.
    Now, I even have a better ending in mind, which includes a very brief chapter which I feel brings the story full circle and begins a new one [epilogues don’t belong in a YA book, I feel they’re too young to fully understand the concept of it].

    I think I’m going to reference this week’s interchange in my blog sometime later today when I’ll write a little about how I sometimes beat having a writer’s block. :-) :-) :-)

  6. Nancy LaTurner

    Every sentence works for me. Faced with the opportunity to commit a crime of passion over her boyfriend’s betrayal, she is stopped by something stronger in her character. She has the strength and determination to move on, despite a momentary disappointment in not “getting satisfaction.” Makes me believe in her ability to build a new life.

    A good, strong story using the bare minimum of words. Again, I’m impressed by your craft.

  7. admin

    Thanks, Nancy. That is most encouraging. Could be next year I’ll be editing the next batch of these for another collection. We’ll see. I hope your writing is going very well.

  8. admin

    Thank you, Robin. We’ll see if any of your followers comment here. I think sharing aspects of the writing process with one another is one of the strengths of having blog comments. The conversations enrich those of us who participate. Do you know when your book will be finished? My first flash fiction collection is going to launch Nov. 3. It consists of edited versions (some needed more work than others) of stories I posted on this blog in 2011. I’m getting pretty excited about it. I appreciate that you’ve been following the process here, and that it’s been helpful to you. :o)

  9. Susan

    Walking away is mostly difficult. If she has direction, she will be okay and certainly not have to be imprisoned literally or figuratively. Ah, life weaves an intriguing web and your writing always is thought provoking. HUGS!

  10. Robin Leigh Morgan

    For those of you who are interested in reading the blog on my website that I mentioned in the above, just click on my name, it will take you right there.

    BTW Nancy – I’m not sure who you’re directing your comment to. Is it Laura or myself. {Just curious.]

  11. Arletta Dawdy

    Nice, tight scene that stands alone well. Enjoyable!

  12. admin

    I’m pretty sure Nancy’s comment was directed at me, Robin. We’ll see. :o)

  13. admin

    Thanks, Arletta! I have an idea for a version with a different ending that I might post a little later if I get a chance.

  14. admin

    Oh, yes, Susan, walking away sure is difficult. I’m glad this character walked away instead of taking aim and firing. That would have been tragic and messy. I’m glad you find the stories thought provoking; it’s a sign that I’m on the right track. Hugs back to you.

  15. Nancy LaTurner

    Hey, Robin and Laura — When I made my comments, I had only Laura in mind. One of the qualities I love most about Laura’s work is the subtle ambiguity that allows, even compels, each reader to make her own interpretation. Robin, your interpretations are always a treat to read!

  16. admin

    Thanks, Nancy, for the clarification—and for the compliment. I so appreciate that you are enjoying my stories!

  17. Barbara Toboni

    Love the end, Laura. The rifle says everything. These minis are really fun to read. Keep them coming.

  18. admin

    Thanks, Barbara. They’re fun to write, too. I will endeavor to keep them coming. That’s what we writers do, no?

  19. Sandra McLeod Humphrey

    I enjoyed visiting your blog and I’ll be back later to try my hand at fleshing out some of your minis–what a cool idea!

  20. admin

    Thanks for stopping by, Sandra, and for leaving me a note. I look forward to reading your interpretations of my stories going forward. It is fun to see how we all bring our life experiences to the stories we read and thus take from them different ideas and insights.

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. A SETBACK AND MOVEMENT FORWARDS AGAIN « mypennameonly - [...] http://lauramchaleholland.com/flash-fiction/slip-away/#comments Share this:TwitterFacebookLike this:LikeBe the first to like this. [...]

Submit a Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Sign up here to receive your free copy of Just In Case

Subscribe to Laura McHale Holland’s newsletter

Thank you! Watch your inbox, your welcome email should arrive soon.