It’s been a while since I’ve done a Life As A Wife post. So, here, for your enjoyment, is a new tidbit from day-to-day life with my husband, Jim.

I believe what I believe

Yesterday, I was on Facebook while also watching Twin Peaks, when Jim came into the living room. He wore a red tie, which surprised me because he doesn’t own one, but I decided to let that go.

“I’m going to gas up the car, go to Oliver’s, and I was thinking of robbing a bank, too,” he said.

“I don’t think robbing a bank is such a good idea,” I said.

“But the banks are broken. Really bad. It’s criminal the low interest they pay. I’m the only one who can fix them.”

“How will robbing a bank help?”

“I have a plan. It’s a great plan. Really great. It’ll work out great for everyone, believe me.”

“You’ll probably get caught.”

“I’ll just say the teller threatened to roast me if I didn’t take all the money in his cash drawer. Of course, I had to take it. They’ll understand.”

“What if they have surveillance tape of you saying, ‘Stick ‘em up’ or something like that?”

“I’ll insist they misinterpreted what I said, and I’ll say the tape is fake, too, and I’ll throw in that they’re crooked to boot. Really bad people. Picking on me.”

“What if they haul you to the station anyway?”

“I’ll say they’d better let me go because my good friend Nelson Mandella will be really mad when he finds out what they’ve done to me.”

“Um, Nelson Mandella died in 2013.”

“You might believe he’s dead. I believe what I believe. This conversation is over.”

“Put something fluffy and orange on your head before you go out, dear.”

(This is based on a real conversation. A few details have been changed.)

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