Fuckin’ Falafel

by | Oct 7, 2013 | Memoir, Musings, Relationships | 12 comments

Fuckin’ Falafel
By Laura McHale Holland

Here’s another little something from my life as a wife:

IMG_1303I’ve removed the text of this post because for some folks it cast my husband in a negative light, which was not my intention.

I’m leaving the comments, though. If you’re curious about what prompted the comments, please get in touch with me through this site’s contact form, which can be reached from the menu at the upper right-hand side of this site.

 

 

 

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12 Comments

  1. Ann Philipp

    oh man too funny…and the title is perfect.

  2. admin

    Thanks, Ann! Someone in a Facebook group I’m in said it was “most revealing” so I thought, hmmm, maybe I’d missed the mark in terms of humor, but you see the humor, and a couple other friends just said they do, too, so I’m not so worried.

  3. Eve Trout

    Like Ann says, the title is perfect. Jim is acting like a spoiled child. Let him go get his own meal if he’s acting crabby. I’d just leave him be.

  4. admin

    He did go get his own meal, without complaint. And he often goes out to pick things up for me too without my even asking. I’m going to have to find a way to do these that shows how wonderful he is too. He’s complicated, colorful, willing to just say what’s on his mind–the good and the bad. I’m much more guarded. How do I capture the humor and the multifaceted nature of our exchanges? I don’t want to just make him look bad.

  5. Barbara Toboni

    Funny piece, Laura. I think if you keep writing the true nature of your true love will show itself and the rest of us his good side too. I mean I thought he was spoiled and then he went off to get his own food so he proved he wasn’t, and you were cool-headed so it proved you had a good relationship. I think from this we see he just likes to push your buttons.

  6. admin

    Thanks for sharing your perspective, Barbara. Your comments were a relief. And your last sentence made me laugh, so I think there’s truth in the idea that he likes to push my buttons.

  7. Suz

    Silly “button-pushers” need to be arrested. : ) I’m wondering too how you kept from throwing something at him. The bread maybe? I haven’t a clue what Falafel is. (Clueless about shatta sauce too.) I enjoyed the description of the event and hopefully his taking the time to get his own meal gave him the breath he needed to say he was sorry. I hope you had a chance to talk about it later? : ) See you.

    Suz

  8. admin

    Thanks, Suz, for sharing your thoughts. Jim and I have both apologized to each other for various things we’ve done over the years, but it never occurred to me to think I deserved an apology for this. I don’t feel like he was attacking me. If he’d added something like “you idiot” to his statement, it would have struck me in a different way. We all decide in our relationships what we can and can’t live with. When Jim and I were first living under one roof and he had flashes of anger, he did intimidate me. I realized, though, that the feelings that came up for me linked back to my father’s anger when I was a child. When my father got to the point where he showed anger, it was terrifying; his anger was always accompanied by harsh judgments, punishment and physical pain. I reminded myself that Jim is not my father and he is not now and never has been a violent man. I decided I could benefit by learning how to react in a different way to anger, and Jim has given me the opportunity to do just that. For him, anger flares up and and then it’s over. He doesn’t intend any judgment or harm. I think in this incident he was just letting off steam at the end of a long day. Given your reaction to this, and Eve’s reaction, too, I think I’m going to remove the text of the post and leave the comments. If, down the road, anyone is curious about what prompted these comments, the person can reach me through the contact form on this website. I don’t want to have a post hanging out here in cyberspace that casts Jim in a negative light. I was reaching for humor. I’m considering it might be better going forward to create fictionalized characters loosely based on Jim and me, but more exaggerated perhaps. I don’t know, but writing something that makes anyone think Jim owed me an apology is not where I want to go with this.

  9. Pamela Taeuffer

    I agree with Barbara above, leaving an opening of love. Perhaps, because people are sensitive from abuse and dominance issues, reactions are emotional and with words, and no live voice behind them, it’s easy to misunderstand.

    You could preface by saying something like “we have a give and take relationship and love each other. I do as many odd/funny things as he does, it’s just his turn today.”

  10. Ann Philipp

    Humor is such a subjective thing.

    I used to work with a woman who – when I would slam file drawers would say ‘Ann are you throwing a snit?’ And yes I was, because I couldn’t go bop the CFO on the nose.

    So that’s how I took Jim’s reaction – he was throwing a snit, and I could relate. Sometimes we get angry about things – and we can’t express it – but those that love us see it for what it is – just frustration.

    I think what struck me as funny is how we easily play along with it – your reaction – well, can I heat up for you? Can I do this or that? How we try and stay rational when those around us aren’t being rational. For me, because it was over an effing falafel is what took it out of the serious anger area and dropped it into the non-serious.

    But I can see why someone might take it differently. Humor is really tricky. Maybe this is more of a ‘you had to be there’ kind of humor. Like it would work better if we were watching it – or could see it in a bigger context. Like if we knew what it’s he really angry at – what’s Jim’s CFO?

  11. admin

    Thanks, Pamela. You make a good point about people being sensitive due to abuse and dominance issues, and I think your idea is good. More context is definitely needed, and that’s one way to provie it. Thanks again.

  12. admin

    Thanks, Ann. You’re right that humor is so subjective and tricky to write. Just hearing “fuckin’ falafel” coming from the kitchen almost made me laugh out loud at the time. It was a strange juxtaposition to be finishing an editing job and have that come floating into my world, although similar things have happened with regularity over the years, and they often strke me as funny. It is kind of funny how I try to address these passing eruptions with rationality. I didn’t really see that until you mentioned it. I’ll probably try revising this post at some point, just to see if I can make it work better. … I’m not sure I want to get into what Jim’s CFO is in this kind of writing, not that I even really know what his CFO is. … This is a helpful discussion for me. I appreciate the way your ideas have pushed me to examine this episode in different ways.

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